Through Private Wars

by James Hearne

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1.
04:23
Better keep moving or I might fall down Wish I didn’t get so motion sick I’d give up my kingdom for a break in this town But nothing that I’m throwing out seems to stick I’ve been sleeping like shit and I’ve been wasting my time I’ve been trying to put all of my pearls before swine And I’m tired I’m so tired But tonight all I want is you I’ve been drinking doesn’t mean that I’ve been thinking I’m acting like I’m 19 feeling like I’m 41 I’m hollowed out and dry my ship is sinking Or am I blinking out judgemental sun My stitch is in time but I still can’t save mine Just last week I had a dream that you died And I’m tired I’m so tired But tonight all I want is you Better keep moving or I might fall down Wish I didn’t get so motion sick I’ve been looking for you through all the bottles and the jars I’ve been searching through all of the girls at the bars And I’m tired I’m so damn tired But tonight all I want is you
2.
I’m afraid of my heart Want to give it to you What if it don’t last What if it’s ever untrue I’m afraid of my heart This traitor in my chest That only wants to love you I hope it never rests I’m afraid of my heart I’m afraid of my heart I’m afraid of my heart So many ways it can betray me Give up on you or give up the ghost Lead me astray or break or slay me I’m afraid of my heart I’m afraid of my heart Want to give you all my years But how many have I got left inside Say I’m too young for all these fears But I don’t know how my father died Don’t know how my father died I’m afraid of my heart I’m getting older you know Our lives are only beginning And I don’t want you to have to let me go I’m afraid of my heart I’m afraid of my heart I’m afraid of my heart Want to give it to you
3.
Well strange the way it seems I changed horses in midstream And it took a while to get back to my pace Then the stream changed up with me And I’m broken company And I hate the way it slides across your face Well I tried to change your mind Tried to live the way I like But the years keep slipping off behind my back And I’m graying in my beard And I’m finding it hard to hear When you ask me if I ever loved you back I did the right thing the wrong way Tried to take a shortcut to the long way I did the right thing the wrong way And with reasons off I went Into your winter of discontent Maybe not the kindest thing I swear I know Sometimes I lie away at night Wishing I could make it right But that ship sailed and I just watched it go I did the right thing the wrong way Tried to take a shortcut to the long way I did the right thing the wrong way Someday I’ll be on a train Or go out walking in the rain And I’ll see you with a new and better man And I hope you can forget and love again I did the right thing the wrong way Tried to take a shortcut to the long way I did the right thing the wrong way
4.
04:22
The heat of the light And the weight of the heat And the reflections from off of the cars in the street And you looked in my eyes And you flashed me a smile And I was frozen leveled and planet-struck there for awhile Because your gravity pulls me to you Like the tide to the moon And the light you reflect in the gathering gloom Brighter than stars Planet-struck Out of tune And I tumble through night On the back of your love Sky is open world is turning around from so high above Because your gravity pulls me to you Like the tide to the moon And the light you reflect in the gathering gloom Brighter than stars Planet-struck Out of tune And you warm to my hands And you breathe all my breath And I’ve never been more frightened to lose to death Because your gravity pulls me to you Like the tide to the moon And the light you reflect in the gathering gloom Brighter than stars Planet-struck Out of tune And you warm to my hands And you breathe all my breath
5.
1:41 in the morning driving home from the show Sure hope that they liked it some nights I don’t know Just want to reach someone maybe brighten their day If my voice and my fingers can take a bit of that weight I’ve got a piece of shit car filled all up with gear Got a girl wants to live anyplace else but here I got nine hundred dollars til the rent comes up due I got nowhere to land and nothing else I can do But I’ve got the moon looking over my shoulder And I’ve got the roads all to myself I’ve got the moon looking over my shoulder And for a moment I don’t need anything else Drivers side window edge of my view Watch over me as I drive home to you I’ll be hoarse when I wake up it’ll clear up by four So I can do it again fifty miles and then Load back in through the backstage door Got a day job that barely makes up a fair wage Got a fire inside me only cools off onstage I’ve got forty-eight dollars and a ringing in my ears And a feeling that I’m wasting all my best years But I’ve got the moon looking over my shoulder And I’ve got the roads all to myself I’ve got the moon looking over my shoulder And for a moment I don’t need anything else 9:00 high Pale from weariness Of climbing the heavens and peering down at the likes of us Got seventeen bucks and a half tank of gas And a lifetime of dreams that are fading away fast But I’ve got the moon looking over my shoulder And I’ve got the roads all to myself I’ve got the moon looking over my shoulder And for a moment I don’t need anything else
6.
Saw you called this morning Couldn’t find my phone I was on a couch in Boston You were sleeping all alone Your house is cold and empty I live from town to town And I forget the way time passes Every time that I’m not around If I could reach you If I had eight-state arms And all the facts and figures And all the charts and graphs Still haven’t taught me How to fold the map So I could reach you If I had eight-state arms North and South and East and West I’m always afraid to leave the nest Up down left and right Worry about you alone at night Planes and trains and automobiles Still not home when life gets real Every night I face your way Sing my songs to say I want to reach you Wish I had eight-state arms And all the facts and figures And all the charts and graphs Still haven’t taught me How to fold the map So I could reach you If I had eight-state arms I want to reach you Wish I had eight-state arms
7.
05:16
I’ve lost my time Lost my frame of reference And I missed my sign All the things I’ve never said All the things I’ve never said Inside out spinning with my head and my heels Point in the wrong direction Got too drunk last night I’ll make it up to you Had thoughts of another life I’ll take it if you want me to Til I find my way then I don’t care anymore So I’ll see you when we’re playing I’ll sing for you like a thousand times before Inside out spinning with my head and my heels Point in the wrong direction My old mind grinning with my future gone Point in the wrong direction I know I’m seeming awful distant tonight Just want to wait a little while til I’m feeling all right I know I’m seeming awful callous tonight Just want to wait a little longer til we are all right We are all right Got too drunk last night I’ll make it up to you Had thoughts of another life I’ll take it if you want me to Til I find my way I’m not scared anymore So I’ll see you when we’re playing sing for you like a thousand times before Like a thousand times before
8.
Remember remember the fifth of November Sleeping in the other room If ever if ever I knew where the ends were Our home might not be such a tomb The leaves are blowing in the windows in the darkness Lit up by last years christmas lights You asked me if there was room left in my heart then Couldn’t look you in the eye Remember remember awful things I can’t contend for Hanging right over my head If ever if ever I thought there was redress for I could come back to our bed Longing for some sort of greater understanding It’s so quiet I can hear the furnace run And maybe everybody has to fall down sometime But it matters how the fall is done Remember remember the ashes and the embers Remember when we were aflame When nights were long and cold and tangled in between us When I could live inside your name I’m sorry Remember remember the fifth of November
9.
04:22
I’ve been lost and I’ve been found I’ve been singing my songs in bars and I’ve been around I’ve been away from you as far as I would ever want to go God willing and the gas holds out tonight I’m coming home Second star to the right Two lanes of nothing Straight on til morning When you’re leaving in the darkest hour of night Every city looks the same the closing bars the lights the cars Made another left on Main St cuz I thought I saw a sign Left some miles back behind me got you on my mind Second star to the right Two lanes of nothing Straight on til morning Wish I may wish I might Wish I’d see your face before the morning light Some dreams fade some dreams die Second star to the right Second star to the right I’ve been on the road drunk and sleep on floors I’ve made mistakes and I’ll make more But love ain’t worth a thing if it don’t live through private wars And love ain’t worth a thing if no one ever knows the score And love ain’t worth a thing if it’s never been explored And love ain’t worth a thing if it’s not driving home at four Second star to the right Two lanes of nothing Straight on til morning
10.
04:30
Take heart little bird The snow’s melting soon There’ll be grass underfoot Crickets to sing you a summertime tune Take heart little bird I know it seems dark but the dawn Will not see its shadow Will not hesitate to bring the sun The world is too big for a bird on her own Rest assured little bird you will not be alone Take heart little bird The cat’s gone to sleep You’ll be in no danger you’re well out of range Of her dreaming so deep The world is too big for a bird on her own Rest assured little bird you will not be alone Take heart little bird This too shall pass Don’t try to hold on tight to now It becomes then too fast The world is too big for a bird on her own Rest assured little bird you will not be alone Take heart little bird The snow’s melting soon There’ll be grass underfoot Crickets to sing you a summertime tune
11.
I’ve been lost and I’ve been found I’ve been singing my songs in bars and I’ve been around I’ve been away from you as far as I would ever want to go God willing and the gas holds out tonight I’m coming home Second star to the right Two lanes of nothing Straight on til morning When you’re leaving in the darkest hour of night Every city looks the same the closing bars the lights the cars Made another left on Main St cuz I thought I saw a sign Left some miles back behind me got you on my mind Second star to the right Two lanes of nothing Straight on til morning Wish I may wish I might Wish I’d see your face before the morning light Some dreams fade some dreams die Second star to the right Second star to the right I’ve been on the road drunk and sleep on floors I’ve made mistakes and I’ll make more But love ain’t worth a thing if it don’t live through private wars And love ain’t worth a thing if no one ever knows the score And love ain’t worth a thing if it’s never been explored And love ain’t worth a thing if it’s not driving home at four Second star to the right Two lanes of nothing Straight on til morning

credits

released June 2, 2017

JH: vocals, acoustic and electric guitars, handclaps

the annotations are:
rob stein: electric and acoustic guitars, pedal steel
kevin simon: piano, organ, rhodes, handclaps
david andersen: electric and upright bass
eric parker: drums, percussion
eleanor kleiner: vocals, handclaps
elie brangbour: vocals, handclaps
paul grimsland: guitars on “planetstruck” and “moon over my shoulder”
jeremy baum: accordion on “strange the way”
brady totten: drums and percussion on “moon over my shoulder”
tony levin: bass on “planetstruck”


All music and lyrics by JH
© 2016, songs de guerre music (ascap)
produced by rob stein except “moon over my shoulder” produced by JH

recorded at grandma’s house studios, saugerties ny and art farm studios, accord ny
engineered and mixed by david andersen
assisted by zev pogrebin
mastered by david drago
mastered at 1809 studios, macedon ny

photography by james orr, orr media company
design by scott ratinoff


for sarah, my love my light my life

too many thanks are due to the fabulous musicians who gave their time and talents on my behalf; they played and sang their hearts out, and i’m reaping all the benefits (though you get to enjoy them too). special thanks to david and rob for their guidance and patience and proficiency, both instrumentally and aurally.

a brief but passionate plug for conor wenk and American Son Guitars: a couple were generously loaned to the production, and i’ve had my hands on a couple others: fabulous, hand-built instruments, all. if anything is gonna get me away from Martins...

this record would have remained merely a gleam in my eye without the constant and generous support of deven hearne, jackson williams, kelly avery, jayson verdibello, jessica leon, joe & kelly valentine, jason mcmurtrie, chris hague, mike solin, joyce lu, greg & teale fox, alex sando, mike & debbie bonkowski, graham & susan van dixhorn, james & corinne black, judy fagan, eric bonkowski, kathleen shaw, joey anderson, russ & janie mcknight, jay rosenthal, kerry green, ben & karin tinsley, anastasia pridlides, red, aaron kuder, nick & anna tochelli, bill & rachel davidson, calvin & bonnie dupuis, libby hearne, richard sharp, gwen axtell, john clough, paul & laurie eschmann, keith center, lauren kuhne, ben mcknight, jake & amanda weiskoff, laura segal clark, dan scholl, emily marston, jenn semler, doug holton, jenn jutras, katie barbato, matt teacher, michael & heather colletto, chris shrader, liz stachowicz, lisa chosed, mark krawczykowski, yolanda esteves, alan rose, mike oxman, sarah peterson, ann “valued” campbell, jeff selby, jennet, steve, & zoe ingle, mike & randi lawson, dave dehart, doug & amanda thomas, david eschmann, tracy powell, chuck & patty colletto, dave & jacklyn cohen, kate & doug hughes, jay “jack” schacht, matt tarka, kerry doyle, davey & sarah mcknight, donovan & michelle rice, tony & dana schelin, victoria watts, scott & jillian ratinoff, rachel schain, adam greenspan, nathaniel weigert, dana k fiero, mike provenzano, brady sanders, josh & maria larson, alex brown, kim gore, bob tomarelli, dani mari, michael southerton, lesley & charles ramsey, kevin & angela lacey, billy rose, lizzy diem, shawn conklin, baris kaya, jeremy porter, rani vasuveda, stephen la monica, logan callahan, laura cina, jenee halstead, maggie-kate coleman, rick warren, gary dale burns, gillian nash, david & shelley maffucci, tyler stoddard, karen martin, jonathan byron-woodin, peter tenerowicz, gwen binder, lewis distefano, raema rotindo, joshua porfirio, foggy otis & barb, wesley nichols, michael skurnick, leigh van swall, dwight grimm, khalid quesada, ted & shari hearne, steve marchion, everyone i’ve ever been in a van, on on a stage, or in a studio with, and everyone who’s ever bought me a drink or lent me a couch or bit of floor for the night.

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James Hearne New York

Powerhouse vocals over woodsy guitars, literate songs times wry banter, floor-to-ceiling dynamics plus wall-to-wall heart.

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